A state of confusion

To be or not to be? That is the never ending question in my head for the last year.
I must say that first I'm not complaining, just seriously confused. I have been a mom for almost 21 years and my whole life is my kids, but now they are growing up and some are gone and some are older, what do I do now? I know the girls still need me somewhat, Jordy maybe just to talk or ask questions but she has her own life going and she will always be part of mine. Crystal is almost 18 and going to move on with her life and even if she lives here, she doesn't need me like she use to. Colton is still the one who needs me the most, well I think so, not him. But even that is different than when they were all little.
I know I should be satisfied to be at home because there are so many women out there who don't get that opportunity, but I am just so restless. The things that use to make me content just don't anymore. You can only clean so much, go to the gym and visit and re-do this or that. I really want.....more? I know how that sounds, trust me, I know. I guess I just feel restless because this is a transition in my life....turning 40, having 2/3 of my kids grown and not knowing where or how to change. I have been a mom for so long, and I feel like I have been a good one. How do I do anything else, and do I really need to?
One part of me wants to stay home and be able to re-decorate my home....can still do it if I work/go to school, whatever. If I stay home then I pretty much have my day to do what ever I want to. I can go to the gym, visit my friends, volunteer, take off with Tom whenever I want to.
Another part would love to open up my own business. I know what I love to do and it would be nice to work doing something I love, but then I am married to it in the sense that I wouldn't be able to have freedom to do what ever comes along. But it would be satisifying in the sense that it is something I love and would be seeing people everyday and being able to serve them and make them happy.
The last part of the struggle is that I have been wanting to go to school for the last year or so. It seems like something is always coming up that makes it impossible at the time. I even took all my testing, aced it by the way, and registered and was 1 day away from going when Crystal needed me more. Since then, it seems like there is always something else. Money, the need to take care of someone else and their family, money, fear and did I mention money?
So here I am and all confused!!!! So I am going to pray for guidance and if anyone reads this, please pray for me also. I just don't want to make some huge mistake and be miserable.I know I need to do something because I am getting kind of depressed about it and being idle. Being idle is not what the Lord intends for us to do. Oh it is a sin and I try not to sin too much. So I will pray and maybe talk seriously about it with Tom because he knows I'm confused. I am just sort of wishy washy and never really finish alot of stuff I start.....so this is the time to do it!

Thoughts for the day:
* Why are we never content? Because the Lord wants us to keep learning.

* I'm not afraid of the dark, just afraid of what I can't see. What if something grabs me or is staring at me? AAAAAHHHHHH!

* If a bear chases me and my friend, I know who is going to get eaten. Yeah, I pretty much suck at running! So you better be my friend!


Quote of the day:
One who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; one who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.